I'm exhausted.

Why is everyday a fight? Why must I have to fight every single day? I'm so tired, I can't do it anymore. Even though I feel like I have so much to prove, I also feel that my life shouldn't be a battle every day.

Does everyone go through this or is it just me? Do you feel that every decision you make effects your entire future?

I want this so badly. I want it very badly but can I not fight so hard for it? Do you think that maybe it's just not meant to be? And it would be so much easier for me to just let go and move on?

I'm not asking for a free ride. I just want to know where I'm going. I just want to know the rode I'm taking is right. I'm just asking for directions. Can't you give me some? Can't you cut me a break? I've thrown everyone else out of the car already, it's just me and you, so can't you just let me win just one battle? All I need is to win one battle, just so that I can prove to myself that I do have the potential. I need to prove to myself that I have exactly what it takes and everything that I'm doing is worth it. I just want to prove to myself that I actually do have so much to prove.

Tuxedo Mask

I remember loving the Sailor Moon series when I was a kid. I had a huge crush on Tuxedo Mask because of the way he would randomly appear in her time of need and just rescue her. Even when I was a kid, I had a huge fetish for knights in shining armor.

You would think that such a girl like me would fall in love easily and quickly be swept off her feet, however, to my dismay, that's not the case. I'm 20 years old and I still haven't had my first boyfriend yet. I have virgin lips... sigh. When did Sailor Moon have her first kiss? 14? 16?

I'm not desperate for a boyfriend, I'm desperate for love. I just want someone to love me for who I am and be there for me when I need them. I'm such an independent person and I find that that scares the guys away. Just because I'm strong and I don't cry over the fact my nail chips doesn't mean I don't need a guy to protect me.

But because of my parents and my friend's relationships with their boyfriends, I'm just absolutely terrified. Tuxedo Mask is a fairytale. No matter how bad things get, we know there's going to be a happy ending. But I watch my friends cry and beg for their boyfriends after they've been treated like crap because they're just so in love with them. I do not want to end up like that. I'm so scared to get into a relationship even though I really really want one.

Perhaps, I am capable of so much more but I'm just too scared to really chase after it in fear that I might fail. Maybe that's why I can't concentrate.

Point is, where am I going to find a guy who wants to date a girl who knows absolutely nothing about love and is absolutely terrified to get into anything? I want someone aggressive, not like bad-beat-you-up kind of aggressive, but someone who can put up with my stubborn-ness. Someone that can climb over my tower-high wall and see who I really am. Will I ever find a guy who's willing to do that? Or have I just been watching too many dramas and movies?

Right now. Love isn't the first thing on my mind but it's definitely not at the back of my mind. Every time I see a couple, I get so bitter that I can't be happy and in love just like them. I've always been single and miserable. I'm almost at the point of convincing myself that I can perfectly fine being single. I can be on my own with my friends and be happy. I don't need a guy in my life and it's a good thing that I don't have the experience because after I get my first boyfriend and I break up with him, I'm going to know how good (hopefully) it is to have a boyfriend and I won't be able to live without one.

I'm thinking too much. Aren't I? Whatever. Love hates me and I hate it back, which is probably why I'm not meant to have a boyfriend anyways.

Anyways, I don't just want any boyfriend. I have the perfect boyfriend. I want Tuxedo Mask.

Lost.

So I've come to realize that I'm not one of those people who can have everything in the world, who can be everything in the world. 

There are some girls out there who are athletic, beautiful, smart, kind and rich. I don't know how much more well-rounded you can be. I can't be that. I can't be BEAUTIFUL and SMART. Because when I study really hard, I look like a zombie the next morning. I can't be sociable and smart because I'll be too busy getting friendly with someone instead of doing work.

So I've come to the conclusion. It's okay. Not everyone can do everything. So I'm going to have to pick what I really care about and what I really want to be. I've decided, I'm going to be a doctor. 

I will. I repeat. I swear on my life at this very moment, I will become a doctor. I will work so hard like I've never worked before. I have to do this. I love singing. I love looking beautiful. I love being the centre of attention. But I NEED to be a doctor. It's my life. And if I can't be a doctor, I don't think it's ever going to be a life I want to be living. 

I am selfish like that. I want my mom to be proud of me and she's dedicated her entire life to me so the least I can do is fulfill my dream to be doctor so she can to be proud of me. I don't need friends. I don't need vanity. I don't need entertainment. I need to be a doctor and although I can't say that I will fight forever. But for the last 2 years of my undergrad, I have to fight harder so that I can at least tell myself that I TRIED my very hardest and I still failed. 

Goodbye blog. Goodbye other dreams. Goodbye other pieces of me. We will meet again I'm sure, until then, wish me luck on my battle to become the best that I can be.

Breathe.

As someone once said, "There are no failures, just experiences and your reactions to them." Some people cry a little before picking themselves back up, others talk and tell the world as a therapeutic way of releasing all the anger and pain, and a small group of people forget how to breathe. So yes, failures are just experiences but it your reactions to them can fail you.

Try and stop me.

Sorry for missing out on Tuesdays Thoughts. I didn't make a post because 1. I was so busy studying and 2. I was so busy studying animal behaviour that I had no thoughts to share.

I'm still recovering from the shock of losing everything on my laptop and from the fact that I have NOTHING TO STUDY FROM. I honestly hate this. I don't know what "this" is but I hate it. I hate the fact that I'm trying so hard to be a good student and THIS won't let me. Sure, I know a good student would go home and listen to the lecture recordings right away, but you don't know how busy I am this year so you have no right to judge me at all. I have so many other extra-curriculars to deal with, not JUST school.

LETTER:

So. You fucking son of a bitch. Whatever you are. Whoever you are. Wherever you are. Bring it. Do your best to stop me from getting into medical school. Because you know what, it ain't gonna happen, boy. Or girl. Whatever your gender is, I don't care. I don't give a flying fuck what your deal is and why you must try SO hard to prevent me from getting good grades, like do you not have a life or something?! Did you get bad grades in school and now you're out for revenge? Did your mommy not love you enough? Well, guess what? I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR MESSED UP LIFE.

Unless... you're trying to send me a message. Do you foresee the future and think that I can't handle medical school? Or maybe you're trying to tell me that medical school is wrong for me and if I continue on this path I'm destined to be doomed? What is it?! SPIT IT OUT!

If I'm your target, you should know very well that I'm a stubborn person. I'm a damn downright stubborn person. I might dare even say that I'm probably the most stubborn person you'll ever meet. So here's the deal. If you want to prevent me from getting into medical school, go ahead. Try your VERY best and don't you dare even go easy on me because I want FULL satisfaction and complete bragging rights when I kick your fucking ass to God-knows-where. And if you're out there trying to tell me a message, well you're going to have to try a little harder than that because I'm not even getting a tidbit of what you're trying to say. I'm stubborn and slow... so like... yeah. Good luck.

/END LETTER

So I'm going to pull another hard-core all-nighter to ACE tomorrow's midterm that is worth 28%, which I desperately need since I'm not doing well on my labs at all. Everyone pray for me. LUVUBI.

And if all hope is lost...

We all have those days where everything just goes wrong, not like a coffee spill on your favourite shirt, but more along the lines of accidentally dropping your phone into the toilet while you're in a rush to get to the most important meeting of your life, or losing your mom's diamond ring which has been in the family for 15 generations, or having 10 bills come all at once when you've just been fired from your job. THOSE are the days I'm talking about.

Yesterday, I didn't know what happened, but when I turned on my laptop and tried to log into my user, I got an error. I couldn't access my own laptop! I have no guest or other users available, only my very own administrative account. The night before, I had just finished an assignment and sent it off to my prof. Thank goodness for that.

In a desperate attempt, I googled some feasible solution and ended up deleting my user account in order to access the computer. That meant all of my documents, lecture recordings, music and emails were completely gone. GONE. Afterwards, I tried to do damage control by searching for software to recover deleted files. No luck. All the lecture recordings that I hadn't listened to yet are completely gone. How am I going to study for this week's midterms?

I didn't do anything wrong, why is this happening to me?

So as of now, I've completely reformatted the computer, which increases my chances of never recovering anything back again, but at least it might get rid of the problem that caused all this. I still don't know WHY I wasn't able to log into my user profile today, I've never encountered that in all my years of technology problems and trust me... I've had many of them and to the oddest as well.

Lyrics:

The storm is coming but I don't mind
People are dying, I close my blinds

All that I know is I'm breathing now

I want to change the world
Instead I sleep
I want to believe in more than you and me

But all that I know is I'm breathing
All I can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing now

All that I know is I'm breathing
All I can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing

All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing now

I died a little inside... everything that I had worked so hard for this year is gone. I told myself that this year has GOT TO BE the year I turn everything around and succeed. I can't believe that I lost before I even started the race. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!

I don't know many students in my classes, I can't just ask for recordings and notes. I don't know what to do. I'm not feeling very optimistic at the very moment. This entire laptop thing... has just fore-casted failure in a snowball-effect. How am I supposed to catch up now? How am I supposed to study for anything now? How am I supposed to sleep at night knowing that I had weeks to listen to those lecture recordings and I didn't and now they're all gone and unsalvageable?

In dreams, we win.

We all have ideas on the purpose of our lives. We all have dreams, expectations, and our own race to run. But what if that race never ends, what if you end up running in circles and the finish line is nowhere in sight. Do you stop running or keep at it? Would you spend the rest of your life running for something that’s not even there? That’s not even possible?

My Parents.

I've always really wondered, in my mom's eyes, what kind of person am I? Does her perspective of me ever change? Has it been the same all along? Is her perspective of me even right? Because most the time, I think she’s WRONG.

I hate it when my mom makes all these assumptions when they're not even right and then she'll act like she KNOWS me and if I deny it she'll just think that I'm just too ashamed to admit it. SO NOT TRUE. My dad does the same thing too. How do I know this? Because sometimes they'll talk about my younger brother in front of me and HALF the things they say, I swear, are not even close to the truth. I think a lot of the stuff they say are things that they would’ve done as kids or maybe they once thought of doing it and now they are reflecting it back onto us. Although sometimes they are correct, I assure you, it’s probably just out of pure luck. Sometimes, I feel like my parents don’t know me and my brother at all. Although I must say, they do understand my brother a lot more…

You’re probably sitting there saying, "Oh, you're not communicating enough with your parents." Not true, I talk to my parents A LOT. I tell them everything that goes on in my life. I tell them my future plans, I tell them about my fears... honestly... I communicate, okay? Compared to the average teenager who just says “nuthin’”, I freaking communicate to BOTH MY PARENTS. I think I know why that even though I talk to them so much they still don’t understand me.

Everytime I say something, I feel like it goes through a filter in their head. They don’t automatically accept and believe everything I say. They take everything apart and analyze it for what it’s worth. They try to figure out what are the lies, the truths, and just the downright bullshit I decided to include for fun.

My brother… pffft. He doesn’t talk to them at all. WHY? Because he knows they will take everything he says and use it against him one day. It’s like everything you tell them, they take it and translate it back into something really nasty. They can’t just listen and accept.

Of course, my parents aren’t bad people. They love us to death and would probably do just about anything for us. I think it’s because they care so much about us that they think the worst in us so they can prepare for it. I don’t know… am I analyzing too much into this? I seriously don’t know why they act like that. Let me give you some examples:

If I say, “Mom, I want to get my nose fixed.” That’s showing her my insecurities. I want her to COMFORT me. But instead, she’ll just say, “Ugh. Stop thinking about that stuff and just concentrate in school!”

If I tell them things about my friends, they’ll invent up all this other crap to go along with the story. Once I told my mom that my friend’s parents let her drive by herself and go to places with her friends. And my mom came to the conclusion, “Her parents don’t care about her. They don’t have time to care about her.” LMFAO. OKAY?!

Every time they call me on the phone, the first thing they say is, “What are you doing? Playing on the computer?” I GET SO PISSED because I’m trying to freaking finish an assignment and they ask me if I’m PLAYING?! Ughhh…

So mom, dad, I know you will never read this, but I thought I should say everything I want to say to you right here.

1. I try really hard to make you guys proud. I try not to disappoint you guys at all. I try to be your ideal daughter.
2. I lie sometimes. I'm not always honest with you but I never lie about the things that matter. Sometimes you call and ask me if I showered yet because you don't like me showering at night, I'll always say yes just so you guys can shut up. I'm not ALWAYS doing homework, I do read the news, go on Youtube, go on Facebook, but 90% of the time I AM doing homework. So if I tell you I'm playing on the internet, it means I'm on my break! And don't start telling me to do my work because I probably just spent freaking 10 hours working on it. 
3. I hate it when you guys think I'm lying when I AM actually telling the truth.
4. I have friends and sometimes I like hanging around them more than you guys but that doens't mean they are more important to me.
5. Stop telling me to do things, I hate it. I have my own life, I have my own schedule, I will do things on my own accord. I’m old enough to know what to do, when to do it and however I want to do it. If I need your advice, I’ll ask for it. I hate it when I ask for advice, you guys tell me to think for myself, but when I don’t need your help, you just intrude in my personal space.
6. Don't tell me how you started making money for your family at the age of 14, I can't do anything about it. Here in Canada, we need education first... money and job comes later.
7. Don't cry to me and tell me how hard your life is... I cry a lot about how hard my life is too. I can’t carry your burden yet so don’t give it to me. But as a daughter, I would never say that to your face, I would just quietly listen and hold back my tears as I helplessly watch you cry over your marriage and how your life is “over”.
8. Never underestimate the stress I'm under. On top of my own goals, I have goals YOU GUYS want me to achieve. Being the eldest in the family means I have to put up with your shit and my brother's shit too.
9. Don't call me stupid. I may not know as much or be as smart as you guys but that's because I haven't lived as long as you guys.
10. I love you guys so much but I'll never say it. Ever.

Still 2PM

My love for 2PM died a little after my Korean obsession turned into a Taiwanese addiction.

I still think those boys are very talented. Very true. Why do I think that? I guess it's probably because I remember watching Wild Bunny (I think that's what it was called) and the boys were just incredibly loud, wild and completely INSANE. Just watching 10 minutes of it and trying to keep up with them was impossible and I was watching it with English subs so I had to pause and read every 10 seconds of the video. Now that I think of it, I should've felt sorry to the subbers, must've been hard on them. Point is, those boys definitely appear genuine to me.

Vocally speaking, they're not the greatest singing group, but I don't see what there is to criticize? I mean, they CAN sing, all of them CAN sing. And by CAN sing, I mean, they all can sing WELL. Surely, if you decide to compare them to Mariah Carey, then they're no match, but if you compare them to the average singer, they're all right. And Taecyeon raps, okay?!

These boys specialize in acrobatics and their dancing, this is demonstrated throughout all their performances and promotions. There is a spectrum among the group, we have goofy, to awkward, to quiet, to loud, to just weird... Some sing better than others, some dance better than others, some rap better than others, some just look better than others... and together they make the group complete.

People constantly compare them to DBSK and I never really understand why. They're from two different management companies who had 2 different concepts in mind when the groups were made. DBSK was first made as a singing group (not a dancing group) of acapella and pop songs. Although they do dance... clearly Yunho and Junsu excelled, no? And the rest were just good. Junsu, Jaejoong, Changmin had a lot of singing parts in songs probably because they were the better singers or maybe they could cover more ranges in the melody.

2PM are made to be dancers, they're very mainstream R&B and hip-hopish? Junsu, Chansung and Wooyoung sing well, no? And the rest are just good. Wooyoung, Junho, Chansung are really good at doing all these flips. Nickkhun is just absolutely gorgeous. And Taec raps well.

It's been said before and I'll say it again, comparing DBSK and 2PM is like comparing apples and oranges. BUT. AND THERE IS A BUT. Although you can't exactly compare them fairly, I can't say that it's wrong for you to do so. I mean, these groups are out to make our money. And we spend it on whoever we think deserves it. Some people like good singers and some people like good dancers, some people go for the hottie, everyone has their own "idea" of what is good and what isn't based on what we find attractive and talented.

Anywayz. How did I even get sidetracked so much? I didn't even want to talk about all that.

The purpose of this post is regarding the  "Still 2PM" teaser. Everyone has been saying that the dance moves were sloppy and very badly done. In my personal opinion, I agree. I've seen 2PM do better. All their flips in the video seem to be at an angle... nothing's aligned properly. This isn't a live performance on stage, where they had one shot to pull everything off. After many retakes, this is as good as they could get it to be? I know what you lovers are all going to say, "They're only human!", "Let's see you do it!", "Stop being such a hater!" Ugh. Fans. Calm down! I'm not saying they suck, I'm just saying that I've seen better. And yes you can tell me how much these boys need sleep and how hard they've been working, and how everyone just needs to appreciate their work... these are just your assumptions and sympathetic love towards the boys. I'm just stating a personal opinion on what I thought of the teaser. Maybe the whole MV will be better. Don't know. But from the teaser, I'm not impressed. However, that's not to say the choreography is indeed very good. I mean, it must be hard to do flips like that and the last act was dead on.

Sorry Taec and Wooyoung, you know I still love you guys, right?

Little Miss Obsessive

Little Miss Obsessive - Ashlee Simpson

Lyrics:

Woah, woah, woah. (That side of your bed is still mine)
Woah, woah, woah. (That side of your bed is still mine)

Am I the reason why you tossed and turned last night?
Everything was such a blur, it didn't come out right.
All of the sudden it's cold and we're falling apart.
No this can't be, please don't leave me alone in the dark.

Chorus:
And I guess we're really over, so come over, I'm not over it.
And I guess we're really over, so come over, I'm not over it.
Late night you make me feel like I'm desperate, I'm not desperate.
Oh, a little bit possessive, little miss obsessive, can't get over it.

Woah, woah, woah. (That side of your bed is still mine)
Woah, woah, woah. (That side of your bed is still mine)

I've never been a fan of long good-byes.
I'm at the finish line and you're just way too far behind.
In the morning I got in a fight with myself, I got the bruises to prove it.
Then I swallowed your words and spit them right back out.

Chorus:
And I guess we're really over, so come over, I'm not over it.
And I guess we're really over, so come over, I'm not over it.
Late night you make me feel like I'm desperate, Aim not desperate.
Oh, a little bit possessive, little miss obsessive, can't get over it.

Bridge:
No!
It's like a fairy tale without a happy ending (happy ending)
But then again maybe we are just pretending.
Why does it have to be so unfair?
Tell me that you care.

And I guess we're really over, but come over, I'm not over it.
And I guess we're really over, so come over, I'm not over it. Oh!

Little miss, little miss, little miss, little miss obsessive.
Little miss, little miss, little miss, little miss obsessive.
Late night you make me feel like I'm desperate, I'm not desperate.
Oh, a little bit possessive, little miss obsessive, can't get over it

Woah, woah, woah. (That side of your bed is still mine)
Woah, woah, woah. (That side of your bed is still mine)

The lyrics of this song are amazingly GOOD! I love the part where the male voice goes

That side of your bed is still mine.

Her second verse is really good. I think a lot of people can connect to the lines:

I've never been a fan of long good-byes.

I'm at the finish line and you're just way too far behind.

In the morning I got in a fight with myself, I got the bruises to prove it.

Then I swallowed your words and spit them right back out.

Yeah, I know this song is rather old... I don't know why I didn't hear this on the radio back then... maybe because 2008 was the year I started university and I didn't freaking own a RADIO!!! How sad was that? But today I suddenly heard the song Pieces of Me in my head by Ashlee Simpson, I remember being obsessed with that song, and so I thought, "Yo. Where -IS- Ashlee?" The last I heard of her was her being engaged with Pete? Or something like that. So I wikipedia-ed her and realized she had an album out in 2008 called Bittersweet World. I only checked out her two promoted songs on that album and I liked this one a lot more. She has an album coming out... or she's working on her fourth album? ABOUT TIME! As much as I don't think she can sing live at all... her voice sounds nice in CDs.

She was so big when I was in high school. She should come back soon.

How many do we get?

As kids we're told to make mistakes so we can learn from them, so we can grow, so we can become a better person than yesterday. What they didn't tell us is that there are some mistakes you can't learn from, there are some mistakes that can ruin you, and there are some that aren't meant to be made in the first place.

Importance of Colour!

So I got bored of not touching photoshop for a while. I love GossipGirl so I figured I could hit two birds with one stone. Obviously, Nate belongs to Serena but, they're a cute couple too.

So here were the original pictures:

So I admit, this picture turned out really bad. LOL. I was trying to make like this really clear and clean picture by showing a very pure version of each colour... except now it just looks like a really bright picture and bad lighting. But none the less, the picture is MUCH more photogenic than the originals, right right?

This picture I was trying to achieve the "natural" look as if nothing was photoshopped. I tried to just clean up the colours and make it look really matte and simple. I think I did a good job here. If it weren't for my crappy job at blending the pictures together, you would've thought it was a beautiful photograph with no photoshop, wouldn't you?

Here, I took a little bit more of a chance. I wanted to achieve a more... hm... old photograph look? Maybe something that you would find off a cover of a DVD or something. Yeah? Not bad eh?

Anyways, I have yet to publish that short I've pretty much finished writing. LOOK FORWARD TO IT. Right now, I have a lot on my hands. I'll be back next week, maybe sooner but definitely not later.

Lady Gaga everywhere.

Every song that comes out, SOMEONE on youtube just HAS to say, "OMG. SHE'S COPYING LADY GAGA!!!" 

OMG. SHUT UP ALREADY!

I honestly do believe that Lady Gaga has changed music and entertainment altogether. Everything is abstract and supposed to hold "deeper meaning". APPARENTLY. Key word is APPARENTLY. Lady Gaga is very influential and she's definitely made her mark in the industry and no doubt, she'll be a legend. So why can't people just accept that and move on? Why must you point it out every time some artist dresses up like a freako? Obviously, people are following her footsteps, if you don't like the way I worded that, then I can say, people are following the "trend" in which SHE SET so... whatever. 

Ugh. No Lady Gaga anywhere. No one is COPYING HER. They are simply just following the trend. It's sort of like when skinny jeans came out... with Marilyn Monroe and they were just so UNCOOL in the 90's. But now everyone owns a pair. OMG, I'M COPYING MARILYN MONROE. Ugh.

Besides, times are changing, if you're watching an MV that actually makes sense, it's probably not going to sell anyways. Nice going Gaga. You managed to sell freakshow and sell it as "art". 

Quiz #101

I did one of those really pointless online quizzes.

Make a list of 11 numbers. Don't cheat.

1+2

Pick two numbers.

3+7

Pick two people of the opposite gender.

4+5+6

Pick two people of the same gender.

8+9+10+11

Pick 4 songs.

These were my results:

1. 5

2. 10

3. Stephen

4. Mom

5. Jen

6. Sherry

7. Matt. L.

8. 那不是愛 - Jessie Chiang

9. Fighter - Christina Aguilera

10. Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis

11. 雨愛 - Rainie Yang

What the results are supposed to mean:

1. Your lucky number.

2. The number of people who like you.

3. The one you love.

4. The most important person in your life.

5. A person who knows you very well.

6. Your lucky star.

7. The person you like but the relationship can't work.

8. The song that matches with person #3.

9. The song that matches with person #7.

10. The song that tells you most about your mind.

11. The song that tells you most about your life.

So I found SOME accuracy in this and obviously not all of it is true. Let's go through them. LOL.

1. 5 is not my lucky number. Seriously. My lucky numbers are 8, 13, 14, 18. I've never had 5 as a lucky number... ever.

2. 10 people like me?! I highly doubt that, unless they're talking about like... 10 people who like me as a PERSON and well... then... that's just sad.

3. I love him... but not in that way.

4. True.

5. True.

6. UHHH. MY LUCKY STAR?! LMFAO. Not true and very self-explanatory to any one who knows the both of us.

7. True, considering that he's taken, and about 100km away from me... and probably doesn't even remember who I am.

8. True. 那真的不是愛. We have something called BROTHERLY-SISTERLY love not incestuous love. So very true. I was really surprised because I didn't expect that at all.

9. Hmmm... not quite? I don't know why Fighter would be a song for him since he and I were just very normal friends throughout elementary school. I think during the time I liked him, I learned a lot about how it FEELS like to like a person and not have them like you back... but I wouldn't call that making me "fighter" lmao.

10. Err... my mind is Bleeding Love? LOL. No. Don't think so. Very wrong.

11. I don't know about this one. 雨愛 is a REALLY REALLY REALLY sad song about a girl who copes with a break up and the whole song is just really describing her feelings. It's hardly a song I would use to DESCRIBE MY LIFE. SO WRONG. WRONG. WRONG.

So that's about it. Short post. I haven't been blogging much lately, I don't know if that's because I'm just too busy or I just have nothing to say... or maybe it's both. BUT I do have a short coming up, so look forward to it. I've been working on it for a while now. I've been meaning to put up a short but just never really had the time to edit it all.

If I die young.

There's still a song I can't sing.

I can't write the melody without December.

Summer has left us a cold front residue 

with dead leaves by which to remember.

My hands and feet are always cold.

I shiver, not from cold, but from heat.

Where did it come from and where will it go?

Will my missing piece ever be complete?

The heat melted the ice from the mirror, 

I took another look before it was forever gone.

I fought the fog, the water drops, the bubbles to see

everything I had once thought was my written song.

My eyes couldn't open, I could feel my lips sewn.

I smelt a light, familiar, musky wisp of loneliness.
The big hand I once held left me long ago,
so long that I can find the words to condemn address.

There lies the quiet mouse, too afraid to whisper
the truth behind the lies that lie behind the wind.
The waves, the rain, the water is to cleanse
everything within sunlight's glint.

If I die young, take my heart and sell it for a dollar,
for it won't matter much too much later.
If I die young, the equation will finally equate,
with tears of joy that can finally dictate.

The Discovery of Evolution

First year sucked. Second year sucked even more. Now I'm in third year. Before I begin my little spazz on absolutely nothing important, I have to point out that I am not procrastinating at this moment, but simply taking a break from my History of Evolutionary Biology course.

I remember going into first year, taking the BIO150 course and ended up being very disappointed, not only because of my mark but because of the content taught. They taught us clouds and winds, soil and plants, rocks and animal habitat. The 101 course for biology in university should be HUMAN biology not WORLD biology. The content taught was dry and boring, I completely lost interest. The profs that taught the course were from the EEB department, the department of Ecology and Evolutionary Biology. I swore to never take a course in that department.

How smart of me, eh? I learn from my mistakes. I took a road, didn't really like it, and never went on it again.

I stuck to the HMB department, human biology department. Why, you ask? Because that's what I've always loved my entire life. Please, when I was 8, I read books on the human digestive tract. No joking! I didn't fare too well in my second year courses. I figured it was because I didn't study hard enough or the profs were just in a terribly bad mood when writing the test questions.

Of course, the former and the latter, I'm sure, did play a big part in my failure in second year as I refused to admit that my level of interest had nothing to do with it. I LOVEd HUMAN BIOLOGY. I LOVEd PSYCHOLOGY.

It wasn't until this year, I went to the HMB department for some counselling and they pointed out reasons why I wasn't doing so well then everything made sense. I knew what I wanted to study, but I was, in fact, in the wrong program. At that time, I was doing a major in Cell & Systems biology and a major in Neuroscience and a minor in Physiology.

Sure, those majors are from the HMB department... BUT... the courses required for the program were not my field of interest. I didn't like studying tiny invisible molecules or mixing God-knows-what substance with each other for a mere colour change. I had absolutely no interest in learning about how alpha, beta, gamma motifs made up proteins. Proteins are about as small as I'm willing to go in terms of size and depth, but we were learning THINGS THAT MADE UP PROTEINS, AND THINGS THAT MADE UP THE THINGS THAT MADE PROTEINS! WHAT?!

Call me shallow, but I refuse to dive into such depth of knowledge because it was absolutely useless. Not useless to the world of science but useless to me. It didn't satisfy my need to see the big picture. It didn't satisfy my need to learn the human body and behaviour.

So I switched programs. I kept my neuroscience major only, not because I wanted to, but because I've wasted too much time on it to give up on it now. I'll simply just throw it onto my list of challenges I have to overcome. I can't have everything I want in life. I am now a Behaviour specialist. Scary, I know. The word specialist gives me a burden because anyone who is a "specialist" in science almost equates the Holy Jesus.

I thought it would take a while for me to "settle down" and take in the new program. I mean, my classes have completely re-allocated from the Con Hall area to the Robarts area. It feels much closer to home, no pun intended. Little did I know that I am simply in love with all my courses this year. These courses do feel like a lot more work but I can actually, pretty much, stay awake in all my classes in which most of them are back to back. I haven't been to the labs yet and I have a feeling they're going to be completely different. The last 2 years my labs were always indoors, with a white lab coat and goggles. This year, most of my labs are either outdoors, where I collect my data, or in a computer lab, where I do statistic analysis on the data I've collected. I don't know if this is what I want yet. I have my labs tomorrow.

Hopefully, all goes well so I can say that I absolutely ADORE my new programs and that I have no regrets on such a big move in the middle of my undergraduate years.

As for my minor, I've jumped from Physiology to East Asian Studies. I'm not focused on completing a minor, I hope I can finish it but if I can't, it's not the end of the world. A specialist and a major is all I need to graduate with a Honours Bachelor of Science.

Optimism at it's best.

Life would've been too easy for me to just graduate just like that.

I'm way too good to be given the easy route out of this. Trust me, I may not know what I can or can't handle but God would never give me something I can't handle.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not religious but I do believe there is a higher being watching over everything. And though this higher being may not be driving the ship, it surrounds the ship as waves and winds.

I believe in Karma, what goes around comes around, what goes up must come down, what's taken must be given back.

Everyone lives their life in their own way at their own pace with their own reasons. I'm not to judge.

There's always a way out. I don't believe that when a door closes another one opens or some stupid window out of nowhere just randomly pops out for you.

If life were a row of doors, some would already open for you the day you're born. They're there ready for you to walk through it in which you're faced with another set of doors... some are open and some are not. Time and choices within and beyond our control closes these doors. But did we forget that doors have the ability to be open? To be unlocked and opened again? When a door closes in life, why can't we just unlock it and open it again? Why can't we wait to see if someone can open it for us? Why MUST we walk through another door or climb into another window? I mean... if that door is so stubborn and refuses to open, then perhaps its better to move on. But why move into another home so quickly when you already had one to begin with?

I don't believe in new beginnings or happy endings. There's no fresh start. I don't believe every day is a brand new day for you to start again. What you did yesterday is still there, what you didn't do yesterday is still behind you, and what you wanted to do yesterday will always be the regret you wish you didn't taste. Karma may be a circle but life isn't. You don't go around and around... life is a line, hence the existence of timelines in history. There are no new beginnings, no way recover the damage you've done, no way to preserve the success you've accomplished. Killing someone, going to jail and finally coming out doesn't mean you have a fresh start. Your crime is on paper, in records, in memories. The circle doesn't start again, you have a past, you have history, your timeline has time done on it.

Move on and do better. You may be haunted by your past but those are consequences that you will never be able to rid. Try and you'll simply be living in another reality that doesn't exist. Second chances don't exist for you to make up for what you did, you can only do better. You're only human. I don't even think God can stop time, redo time or make up for time, so why do you even bother trying?

No one lives a perfect life without mistakes and shame. We are all guilty whether other people know the lies we've told to the world or to ourselves. You will never walk on a path that you can't handle. God may not open doors but I'm sure God doesn't build walls or dead ends.

So do what you didn't do yesterday, and though you can't make up for the fact that you didn't do it yesterday,  the fact that it's late and overdue, but at least you did it. It's written on your timeline now.

I don't believe whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I think whatever doesn't kill you may make you smarter and more experienced but not stronger. People who can heart attacks and live aren't more immune to them. In fact, they're more likely to get heart attacks again than someone who hasn't experienced one before. Catching a cold or a bacterial infection builds your immune system, making it smarter as it learns new ways to protect you in the future, your immune system isn't stronger. If your immune system meets a new infection, it won't be able to protect you. Your failures don't make you a stronger person and it wouldn't be fair if it did. Someone who's gone to jail isn't on equal levels as someone who hasn't. A criminal record doesn't kill you but it doesn't make you stronger. So where in the world did this idea of almost being killed makes you stronger? But who needs to be strong anyways, isn't the whole point of life to live?! Isn't that why we climb mountains and go sky diving? So that we can experience both sides of every story? A strong person does die. What's the meaning of strong to you if you don't even know what it means to be weak?

I do believe in destiny. I do believe things out of our control happen. But all that happens for a reason. God won't give us anything we can't handle. And if he does, that's what I call death, lol.

20 years of timeline already drawn. And though I've complained for the last 20 years about how much my life just shitty sucks, I think I've found a way to appreciate it.

That's optimism at it's best. Seriously.

Day 5 without internet

So I had to go get my teeth checked today. The dentist said everything is healing the way it should be… which is always nice to know. Then I went with my mom to take my 104-year-old grandpa to the doctor to see why he isn’t eating as much. Pffft. Doesn’t take a genius to know that old people eventually lose their appetite but I guess, just for my mom’s peace of mind, I don’t mind getting a professional’s opinion. Then afterwards we went to a pharmacy to pick up stuff. This is the ring my aunt bought that I absolutely love. The phone-quality pictures does it no justice. IT’S SERIOUSLY SO GORGEOUS!!! I don’t like rings but this one is so beautiful! But I wasn’t shameless enough to ask her for it, lol, but I think if I showed her that I really liked it, she would’ve given it to me. LOL. Yeah, my aunt is rich like that, handing out diamond rings aren’t a problem for her, *rolls eyes*. Then we headed out to have dim sum at like 12! I usually don’t like have dim sum too late into the day because it’s so busy… and the service is slow. I took a picture of the mango pudding… I don’t know how they made the fish craving. And with the rice… is frog legs!!! FROG LEGS!!! Obviously I haven’t seen enough of the world to eat frog legs but my mom tells me she’s had it plenty of times and it’s a very common food item. It’s not like something “special”.

 

Painkillers

Things get worst before they get better, right?

So my tooth is almost done swelling, so it's relatively pain-free. I still have to watch what I eat and I probably will have to, for the most part, for the rest of my life since my two front teeth are unstable now.

A couple of weeks ago, I went to watch Inception alone. That was the first time I've been to the movies alone. I didn't really want to go, I wanted to wait for a friend to free up some time to go with me. I heard it is the type of movie that you would watch to talk your hearts out after you watch it.

But I had a friend tell me that it's perfectly fine to go watch it alone. I was kind of shocked only because for me, going to the movies alone equates LONER written in huge block letters on my forehead. But... I couldn't wait any longer. No one was free. Or everyone who was free had already watched it and they wanted to watch something else with me, so I decided to just go watch it alone. IT WAS SUPER AWKWARD. I had like a group of guys beside me on the left and a group of girls on my right, and I was one seat apart from them on either side. They kept on looking at me like, "Are her friends coming?" Because you know how like... there's always a one seat gap between each group of friends at the theatre so no one has to ever sit RIGHT beside a stranger? So if I had 2 friends come, they would sit on either side of me and that means that the two groups would be sitting right beside a stranger. Get it? So they kept on looking over and I was wanted to tell them, "Geez. No one is coming! I came here alone! OKAY?!"

And beforehand, a friend was like, "Yo if you watch the movie and you don't get it, it means you're stupid. Stupid people won't understand the movie." That's her response to my, "Is it confusing?"

So I guess I was glad that I went alone, I would have no distractions from my friends and I could fully concentrate on the film.

Overall it wasn't too bad. I understood most of it, I got the overall concept but there were minor details of the film that really stumped me. I guess I'm not smart enough to understand the film as a whole. This is so different from what I'm used to watching. I get the entire concept of the movie... what happens in the middle of the movie, like their adventure plan and goal and how they are going to solve it... but there is the occasion detail that ties the whole story together that I don't really get. I asked some friends but everyone is kind of like, "It's okay. That's not important." ...........?! OKAY?!

I finished exams. Feels a little anti-climatic to me. I'm still stressed with all the home errands that I have to do... seriously, why can't things just happen the way they're supposed to happen?

I feel inclined to move to livejournal... I've been really tempted this past week. I have moved to livejournal before but it's so complicated... and they don't have all the functions that I want... but I LOVE the community there. Blogger is kind of lonely but it's so easy and convenient, it's going to be hard for me to decide. I might just stay with blogger just because livejournal, the entire layout itself, is really messy and disorganize. The last time I got livejournal, I think I made like 3 posts on it before I gave up trying to make the whole layout really sleek. BUT THE COMMUNITY ROCKS. Sigh* The tradeoffs in life. Why can't we just personalize everything? And get everything the way we want it?

HMMM... the rest of my summer... probably tidying up everything and finishing all the things that needs to be done at home before I move out. I don't think I'm going anywhere... not anywhere far anyways...

我不懂我在做什麼

Enough said.

Jolin Tsai Icons

As much as I agree that she's over rated, I can't deny the fact that she is absolutely gorgeous! There are so many plastic surgery rumors about her. I don't think she did her eyes, nose or anything on her face... I think she just grew up and lost some baby fat. But her boobs... her boobs are another story.

Hi, My Sweetheart Review

Bao Chu Jie is always rescuing the
incompetent Da Lung.

The problem with me when I watch dramas is that by the time I get to the last 5 episodes, I like to do what I call "fast-forward". What I do is skip the boring, stupid parts... which is about 75% of the stuff and guess what? It's smart! Once I fast-forwarded the ENTIRE drama and I still understood the entire plot. When I re-watched it without skipping, I felt like I already watched it and I didn't miss anything the first time around. ^__________^ Talk about drama-watching-pro-ness. LOL

Anyways, so I finished watched it like 2 weeks ago, so it's a little stale in my head.

The beginning of the drama is pretty captivating? A boy, named Xue Hai, lives in China and is going to leave for Taiwan for his college education. His older sister is screaming and all dramatic like, "NOOOOOOOOO. YOU CAN'T LEAVE!!!" And you see him walking out with 2 rows of servants/maids beside him and his 2nd eldest sister who's trying to hold back the eldest sister from running after him. From this you can tell that Da Lung IS FILTHY RICH and his eldest sister is very very very protective of him.

So he goes to school and his eldest sister follows him to help him register at the school and all. Well that’s her excuse anyway, it’s obviously portrayed that she didn’t want him to leave so she’s making all these excuses to follow him. When he gets there, he realizes that his sister registered him under the name Da Lung, which is supposed to be a really ugly name. My Chinese really sucks, so I’m not at the stage to be able to judge Chinese names. I think sometimes I might find them weird but I most the time I can’t tell if the name is a boy or a girl unless it’s really obvious! But for me, I think Da Lung sounds better than Xue Hai. LOL. Like Xue Hai sounds really strange to me... but apparently, Da Lung is supposed to be this really embarrassing name.

Dorky Da Lung

So anyways, on top of this “really embarrassing name”, he also carries an under-bite, a really ugly mushroom haircut, thick nerd glasses, and some ‘60s spenders. When you see this guy, you think ABSOLUTE DORK/SQUARE/NERD. He rooms with 2 pretty nice guys, they are his friends and they do “include him” in their events. So at school, there’s this really mean girl named Chen Bao Chu, people call her Bao Chu Jie because everyone is scared of her, no one wants to be her friend, no one wants to get in her way. But OF COURSE, Da Lung is this innocent boy who doesn’t know better and he’s all like, “Everyone deserves a friend. Even Bao Chu Jie.” So you know... they fall in love blah blah blah.

So Da Lung is this really filthy rich guy, remember? So why does his sister need to change his name? Because he’s so rich, she doesn’t want people to know who HE REALLY IS and like cause trouble. You know... like kidnap him and hold him hostage for a ransom or something. So Da Lung basically lies to everyone about how poor he is and because he is so protected by his sister for like 20 years, he doesn’t experience much. For instance, he doesn’t know how to ride a bus or pay at a restaurant and so he just blames it on the fact that he’s really poor and never got a chance to do any of that stuff.

Da Lung and his two roommates confronted by
Bao Chu Jie.

Bao Chu Jie, who ends up being his girlfriend for 3 years or something, also believes that he’s really poor and she doesn’t suspect anything. She doesn’t care that he’s poor since she does truly love him. HER MOM, however, is working her ass off to pay off debts that her husband left her with. And so her mom is all like, “YOU HAVE TO MARRY A RICH GUY.” And Bao Chu Jie is all like, “It’s my life... yadah yadah yadah...”

So the day that these guys graduate from college, Bao Chu Jie and Da Lung are supposed to meet up with each other. Da Lung wants to propose to her on that day so he bought a ring and waited for her at the designated place. And...

...she never shows up.

WHY?!

Bao Chu Jie is the aggressive one in the
relationship.

Because on her way there, she got into a car accident. LOL. As in, she’s running to their meet-up spot and gets hit by a car. She’s immediately shipped off to the hospital and of course, her phone is not with her nor would she hear it even if it did ring. However, BEFORE she left the house to meet Da Lung, she wrote a note to her mother saying, “Mom, I’m going to break up with Da Lung and go marry the guy you want me to marry.” Does she really want to break up with him? No, she only did it because her mom threatened her if she didn’t break up with him, her mom has “connections” and so she can make sure that Da Lung won’t graduate. *rolls eyes* If you have such powerful connections, why the hell are you struggling with debt?! So anyways, Bao Chu Jie makes a fake promise to her mom so that her mom won’t interfere with Da Lung’s graduation and once Da Lung graduates, she plans to run off with him.

Bao Chu Jie's mom gives Da Lung the note to read.

So basically, Da Lung plans to marry her. And Bao Chu Jie plans to run off with him. But neither of them knows each others’ plans. So since Da Lung doesn’t see her, he goes to her house to see her. It turns out that she isn’t there. Instead, her mother opens the door and goes, “What are you doing here? She already broke up with you!”

And Da Lung is like, “What?! No she didn’t! She was supposed to meet me today!”

And the mom goes, “She was going to meet up with you to break up with you! She’s in Europe right now and she’s going to marry some other guy.” The mom lies that she’s in Europe so that Da Lung doesn’t try to look for her. Because if she’s like, “Oh my daughter is in a car accident,” then obviously, he’s going to go to the hospital and look for her.

Da Lung doesn’t believe her. And so her mom goes to grab that note that her daughter left her which says that she’s going to break up with Da Lung. And Da Lung knows her handwriting and so he totally believes the note. She’s absolutely heart-broken. And he goes out into the rain and there’s his dramatic scene of him on his knees, crying and wailing in the rain and he shouts, “I PROMISE NEVER TO TRULY LOVE ANYONE EVER AGAIN!”

So retarded. But it’s an idol drama. I didn’t expect much.

Next scene. 3 years later.

Da Lung is all grown up and he’s turned himself into a hottie and a player. AND BOY is he so hot. The moment I saw him, I just saw all this smoke coming out of him. Seriously man. I wouldn’t mind being played by him. LOL. And he’s such a bad-boy now because he doesn’t really love anyone, he just hooks up with girls and make them fall for him.

So three years are lost.

What has changed in this time frame?

Da Lung

-becomes really hot

-looks like a normal person- loses the glasses, ugly (cute) mushroom haircut, ugly ‘60s clothes

-becomes a player

-DEEP DOWN INSIDE, he still loves Bao Chu Jie

-he and his family officially move to Taiwan

-he works for the family corporation now

- he changes his name back to Xue Hai

Bao Chu Jie

-she becomes really close to her Xue Zhang (Xue Zhang is like classmate from a higher grade. Mind you, this Xue Zhang is probably her only friend, other than Da Lung)

-she continues to look for Da Lung to clear up the misunderstanding 3 years ago

-she no longer lives with her mother... I don’t know why?!

-Xue Zhang helps her find a place to live

-Xue Zhang also finds her a job... a DJ at a radio station

Xue Hai looking mighty smexy.

So one day as Xue Hai (remember he changed his name?) is driving in his $2 million car, he turns on the radio. OMG. And guess what radio station he turns on? Bao Chu Jie’s radio station! He hears her voice and immediately recognizes it.

He gets one of his secretaries to get as much information about the DJ as possible. And the truth is revealed, the DJ IS BAO CHU JIE. Now what? Well, a NORMAL person would just go to the radio station and confront her. “Hey. You ditched me 3 years ago for a rich guy in Europe. WTF?! Well, guess what?! I’m filthy rich too! If you married me, you wouldn’t need to be working at a shitty radio station!”

BUT. OF COURSE. What is logical in an idol drama?

Instead, Xue Hai goes and BUYS the entire radio station and therefore he becomes her boss. Bao Chu Jie does recognize him but Xue Hai denies that he’s Da Lung and because of his major transformation, she believes that he’s only a person who looks like Da Lung and not Da Lung himself.

Xue Hai has this brilliant plan. He wants revenge. He claims that he doesn’t love her, in which he clearly does, because if you don’t love someone, why go through all this trouble. So his plan is to make her fall in love with him and then dump her the way that she dumped him.

So how does this plan work out? Does she fall for him?

I would say they look really cute together, but I want
him all to myself, lol.

It’s a hard question to answer. She doesn’t exactly fall for Xue Hai because Xue Hai’s personality is all like in-your-face-I’m-a-rich-bitch-I-can-get-any-girl-I-want. I think she only weavers at times when Xue Hai resembles Da Lung. For instance, if they’re on the bus and Xue Hai regurgitates what Bao Chu Jie said to him three years ago on a bus. Then she can’t help but to treat Xue Hai AS Da Lung. And who can blame her? I mean, in front of her is a man who looks exactly like the guy she loves. And he says all these things that remind her of him and bring all these memories back to her that she associates with Da Lung.

So throughout the entire drama, she has this internal battle with herself and she basically just tells herself that she can’t fall in love with Xue Hai because he resembles Da Lung. And she kind of forces herself to like Xue Zhang instead. Her Xue Zhang has been in love with her for like a gazillion years but she only been treating him like a good friend.

Xue Hai gets frustrated because he’s thinking, “Yo. Why don’t you love me?! You love rich guys, don’t you?! I eat money. I shit money. I’m made of money. Why don’t you fall in love with me?”

And well, here’s the dramatic irony. The audience knows that Xue Hai = Da Lung. We also know that Xue Hai is only a bastard because he believes Bao Chu Jie left Da Lung 3 years ago for a rich guy. And we know that Bao Chu Jie had no intentions of doing so then and she is still now in love with Da Lung.

I use Da Lung to refer to the boy Bao Chu Jie went to school with. And I use Xue Hai to refer to the guy that reminds Bao Chu Jie of Da Lung. They are indeed the same person but they have very different personalities. So I can’t exactly use the names interchangeably. Da Lung is not Xue Hai. Why? Because Da Lung is sweet and innocent and he doesn’t possess any qualities that Xue Hai has. But Xue Hai CAN be Da Lung. Why? Because Xue Hai original character is this sweet boy but he changes into this jerk because of a tragic love incident he experiences three years ago. I hope that clears something up?

So how does this all go down?

Well, Xue Hai spends a lot of time with her, trying to woo her and all and she’s all like, “Get away from me!” Xue Hai pretty much just stalks her. Eventually, she breaks and she goes, “I can’t stand looking at you because you remind me of Da Lung.”

And he’s like, “Why does Da Lung mean that much to you?”

And eventually slowly, very slowly, as in not all of this happens all at once, Xue Hai starts to find out the truth about what happened three years ago.

So what does he do after he realizes that he’s misunderstood her all along?

See, a NORMAL person would just say, “Yo man. I’m Da Lung. Sorry for being such a bastard this entire time.” LOL.

But. NO. The drama takes another route and puts the audience on another roller coaster ride. Xue Hai “pretends” to contact Da Lung and he goes to tell Bao Chu Jie that Da Lung is now happily married and she should stop looking for him and let him live his life in peace.

So basically, Xue Hai tries to get Bao Chu Jie to forget Da Lung and make her fall in love with him. and now you’re thinking... isn’t that what he’s been doing the ENTIRE time?

Not exactly. Before, he only wants Bao Chu Jie to love him so that he can take revenge. Now however, he wants her to ACTUALLY love him and to let go of the old Da Lung.

Now, I’ve kept the plot pretty simple because 1. I’m no good at explaining things and 2. Because there are too many useless side plots and 3. I can’t remember to explain everything. LOL.

So here’s another character to bring into the plot. Her name is Mo Li. Mo Li is a classmate, who studied with both Da Lung and Bao Chu Jie three years ago. Mo Li’s dad is the principle of the college. Da Lung’s/Xue Hai’s older sister is friends with Mo Li’s dad. Mo Li is portrayed as this really beautiful and elegant girl that makes every guy fall to their knees. Now Da Lung’s/Xue Hai’s older sister wants to hook her up with him. She’s interested in him but he doesn’t like her that way. So now that they meet again 3 years later, she knows that Xue Hai = Da Lung.

Da Lung and Mo Li

So one day when Mo Li goes to visit Xue Hai at the radio station, she bumps into Bao Chu Jie and of course the subject of Da Lung comes up. And Mo Li goes, “Don’t tell me you don’t know Xue Hai is Da Lung. It’s why you’re working here, no? You only want to get closer to him.”

And she’s like, “WTF?!”

So she goes to see Xue Hai and slaps him in the face like 3 times or something. And now shit finally freaking hits and freaking shitty fan! Geez! The truth is all out. Everyone now knows everything!

Bao Chu Jie goes, “How could you see me in so much pain and not tell me that you’re Da Lung?”

And he goes, “Because... I thought you left me for some rich guy... blah blah blah.”

And she goes, “So all this time, that’s how you saw me? You didn’t trust me? You thought I would just leave for you another guy?”

And well... I mean, can you blame him? If I saw a note that you wrote to your mom about dumping me, and I had no idea you were in a car accident, I would also believe what your mom said about you leaving with some guy to get married. Geez.

So Bao Chu Jie doesn’t forgive him and decides to quit her job at the radio station so she doesn’t have to see him anymore.

JUST WHEN I FREAKING THOUGHT THE DRAMA WOULD BE OVER...

There’s a fire at the radio station. And the only person left in there is Bao Chu Jie.

Xue Hai rushes up to the station to save her. And I think this is pretty much the only scene that made me really teary. So he goes up to save her and some piece of burning wood falls on his leg and he’s trapped. And Bao Chu Jie tries to get him out and he’s like, “No. Just go before the fire gets too big and you can’t get out.”

And she’s like, “No I’m not leaving you here alone.”

And, okay, I have to use Chinese, because it doesn’t sound as good in English, “你不要理我！快走!” And she’s like, “要走，我們一起走! 要死，我們一起死!” Of course, it’s really typical but it still made me cry. They acted out the scene really well.

And Xue Hai is like, “No. You’re not going to die here.” And she’s like, “No, I’m not going to let that happen.”

And Xue Hai goes, “No matter if it’s Da Lung or Xue Hai, just know that they both loved you and still love you. 那就夠了.” And she’s like bawling her eyes out.

OUT OF NOWHERE! XUE ZHANG COMES and he’s like, “BAO CHU! WHERE ARE YOU?!”

And Xue Hai yells out, “She’s here! She’s here! Come get her!”

And basically Xue Hai is still trapped under the piece of wood. And Xue Zhang pretty much has to pry Bao Chu off of him and carry her out of the fire and she tries to fight him off but can’t. And Xue Hai and Bao Chu Jie are just crying their eyes out as they’re being separated between life and death.

Personally, I would end the drama end. I would kill off Xue Hai, why? Because it’s most realistic. I mean, the fire is pretty out of control. I don’t see any firefighters in sight. He should die. And Bao Chu Jie and him already got the closure they need.

BUT. INSTEAD.

Unexpectedly, I say unexpectedly because the drama doesn’t show any of this, Xue Hai is in the hospital, with no any-kind of degree burns whatsoever. Funny. Xue Hai is rescued, I’m assuming by firefighters and he’s in an unconscious state. Xue Hai’s two sisters are absolutely miserable because the only son in the family is in a coma. Bao Chu Jie goes in and talks to him and he wakes up... -___________________-. Sorry about how blunt I’m making this. I’m just going to cut the icing on the cake because this is taking way longer than expected. LOL.

So he wakes up and guess what? He loses his memory! He goes back to being Da Lung again and he forgets that he was ever Xue Hai and he even forgets who Bao Chu Jie is. He forgets everything and just goes back to Da Lung before he even met Bao Chu Jie. I don’t know why he would lose his memory...

So Bao Chu Jie does all these things to try and make him remember who she is but everything fails. Then Da Lung gets kidnapped by some people who want money from the family. Bao Chu Jie goes to save him. I think she actually does save him. And they both end up in the hospital. And when Xue Hai wakes up, he remembers everything and everyone again. BUT, he pretends to forget who Bao Chu Jie is. Why? Because he thinks that he made her suffer enough and he doesn’t deserve such a nice person. -___________-. ARGH. Stupidity at its best.

I forget what happened, but eventually Bao Chu Jie realizes that it’s all an act. She catches him and she proposes to him, lol. He says yes. They get married. The end.

SIGH. Wow. That took a while.

So what do I think about this drama?

See. I watched this drama VERY reluctantly. Why? Because Rainie’s acting (the actress who plays Bao Chu Jie) can be really annoying. I’ve seen most of her other dramas and they do get on my nerves sometimes. So I sort of vowed never to watch a Rainie drama again. But then SHOW LUO (the guy who plays Da Lung/Xue Hai) is in it and I’ve never seen any of his dramas before so I decided to give this a try... but VERY reluctantly.

The drama does have its moments that make me smile, cry, laugh and really appreciate the piece. However, there were HUGE loopholes in this drama, not as much as 霹靂MIT but, nonetheless, still loopholes. This entire drama is built off of ONE dramatic irony. What is it? The fact that Da Lung believes Bao Chu Jie left him to marry a rich guy. The beginning of the drama is slow, mainly because the director is trying to build memories for the both of them to reminisce later on in the drama. The middle of the drama is okay, the pace picks up a little but it gets repetitive. Xue Hai’s stalking gets on my nerves a little. The end of the drama is slow, why? Because I want the drama to end and it doesn’t. A lot of the scenes near the end of the drama are just them crying by themselves and thinking about their memories together. And this is where the director just plays a bunch of flashbacks. BORING. I can’t stand overly-used flashbacks, especially if they’re just a collage of happy times spent together.

The final scene is kind of cheesy and lame. It’s not that I disagree with them getting married but I did hope for a grande finale but instead I got this low-budget wedding and really cheesy lines. Ew.

Loopholes. I’m still asking the question why Bao Chu doesn’t just tell Xue Hai straight up why she didn’t like him. I mean, Xue Hai stalks her and she goes, “No leave me alone.” And Xue Hai asks, “Why can’t I love you? And why won’t you give me a chance?” This is the most perfect opportunity for her to just say, “Because I love a guy who looks like you. I’m still looking for him. I can’t love you.” Why doesn’t she just say that?! Instead, she gives all these ambiguous responses.

Also. Why does Xue Hai turn into a jerk? I can understand a playboy but if he’s going to make Bao Chu Jie fall in love with him, why doesn’t he just be a rich Da Lung? Be a Da Lung again but flaunt your money in front of her? Why be a jerk? I don’t understand.

And Bao chu Jie’s mom, where the hell did she go? She just disappeared off the face of the planet? What happened to marrying Bao Chu off to a rich guy to help pay off the family debt?

And even if those aren't loopholes, let's say the director just wants to write the story that way, I mean, the audience can't control what the director wants to write, right? I've written stories so I know it's hard to fill in every gaping hole with some kind of logical and reasonable explanation and so most the time it's just best to leave it and hope the audience doesn't notice, lol. So putting all loopholes aside, it still doesn't explain what I'm supposed to get out of this drama. I'm not expecting some life-changing enlightenment, obviously. I do expect some sort of lesson, moral, theme of any-sort... you know... just so it doesn't feel like I wasted 14 hours of my life.

So was I supposed to learn that ugly and nice people can change into hot bastards because of love? Or is it  that true love can never be forgotten in one's heart? Or is it that nothing can stop true love even blatant lies and a heart-for-revenge? Or is it that you can never hate someone that you truly love even if you try? Or is it that people just need to stop getting into car accidents and amnesia to cut to the happily ever after?

Honestly. I didn't get anything from it. Usually I get SOMETHING out of any kind of crap-waste-of-a-time-movie/drama, not saying that this drama is crap but... I just didn't see any message. The drama did touch on money... I guess the lesson is money can never buy true love. Yeah, that's probably the stupid message. Or maybe we aren't supposed to read any messages, maybe it's supposed to be one of those relaxing-take-it-easy-let-your-brain-mush kind of dramas.

Overall, the drama is good. 5 being average, I would give this a 6.5/10. I wouldn't watch it again... all the amnesia and roller coaster runs drove me crazy. Some parts I just wanted to jump through my computer screen and like... strangle the damn people. I really do appreciate the beginning of the movie. The character development of Da Lung and Bao Chu Jie are amazing. I love the beginning of the series... I thought the beginning would be the part I hate the most because they're acting all stupid and rebellious, lol but it turned out to be the opposite. I prefer the beginning much more than the ending. Although the drama is only 14 episodes, I felt like I was watching a 30 episode drama, all I could think was, "WHEN ARE THESE PEOPLE GOING TO STOP FORGETTING EACH OTHER?! AND WHEN ARE THEY GOING TO LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER?" Because at a certain point in the drama, you can pretty much tell if it's going to be a happy or sad ending.

Like I said before, the drama DID have its moments where you think, "Wow. This is absolutely beautiful." and  "Wow. This is absolutely brilliant. How did they come up with this?" But those moments were brief, it didn't take long for the cliche dialogue to ruin everything.

I think a lot of Rainie Yang and/or Show Luo fans would absolutely adore this drama. They make a cute couple, and they do have chemistry, too bad the script couldn't have been a little bit more concise and to-the-point.