I remember loving the Sailor Moon series when I was a kid. I had a huge crush on Tuxedo Mask because of the way he would randomly appear in her time of need and just rescue her. Even when I was a kid, I had a huge fetish for knights in shining armor.
You would think that such a girl like me would fall in love easily and quickly be swept off her feet, however, to my dismay, that's not the case. I'm 20 years old and I still haven't had my first boyfriend yet. I have virgin lips... sigh. When did Sailor Moon have her first kiss? 14? 16?
I'm not desperate for a boyfriend, I'm desperate for love. I just want someone to love me for who I am and be there for me when I need them. I'm such an independent person and I find that that scares the guys away. Just because I'm strong and I don't cry over the fact my nail chips doesn't mean I don't need a guy to protect me.
But because of my parents and my friend's relationships with their boyfriends, I'm just absolutely terrified. Tuxedo Mask is a fairytale. No matter how bad things get, we know there's going to be a happy ending. But I watch my friends cry and beg for their boyfriends after they've been treated like crap because they're just so in love with them. I do not want to end up like that. I'm so scared to get into a relationship even though I really really want one.
Perhaps, I am capable of so much more but I'm just too scared to really chase after it in fear that I might fail. Maybe that's why I can't concentrate.
Point is, where am I going to find a guy who wants to date a girl who knows absolutely nothing about love and is absolutely terrified to get into anything? I want someone aggressive, not like bad-beat-you-up kind of aggressive, but someone who can put up with my stubborn-ness. Someone that can climb over my tower-high wall and see who I really am. Will I ever find a guy who's willing to do that? Or have I just been watching too many dramas and movies?
Right now. Love isn't the first thing on my mind but it's definitely not at the back of my mind. Every time I see a couple, I get so bitter that I can't be happy and in love just like them. I've always been single and miserable. I'm almost at the point of convincing myself that I can perfectly fine being single. I can be on my own with my friends and be happy. I don't need a guy in my life and it's a good thing that I don't have the experience because after I get my first boyfriend and I break up with him, I'm going to know how good (hopefully) it is to have a boyfriend and I won't be able to live without one.
I'm thinking too much. Aren't I? Whatever. Love hates me and I hate it back, which is probably why I'm not meant to have a boyfriend anyways.
Anyways, I don't just want any boyfriend. I have the perfect boyfriend. I want Tuxedo Mask.
