Life would've been too easy for me to just graduate just like that.
I'm way too good to be given the easy route out of this. Trust me, I may not know what I can or can't handle but God would never give me something I can't handle.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not religious but I do believe there is a higher being watching over everything. And though this higher being may not be driving the ship, it surrounds the ship as waves and winds.
I believe in Karma, what goes around comes around, what goes up must come down, what's taken must be given back.
Everyone lives their life in their own way at their own pace with their own reasons. I'm not to judge.
There's always a way out. I don't believe that when a door closes another one opens or some stupid window out of nowhere just randomly pops out for you.
If life were a row of doors, some would already open for you the day you're born. They're there ready for you to walk through it in which you're faced with another set of doors... some are open and some are not. Time and choices within and beyond our control closes these doors. But did we forget that doors have the ability to be open? To be unlocked and opened again? When a door closes in life, why can't we just unlock it and open it again? Why can't we wait to see if someone can open it for us? Why MUST we walk through another door or climb into another window? I mean... if that door is so stubborn and refuses to open, then perhaps its better to move on. But why move into another home so quickly when you already had one to begin with?
I don't believe in new beginnings or happy endings. There's no fresh start. I don't believe every day is a brand new day for you to start again. What you did yesterday is still there, what you didn't do yesterday is still behind you, and what you wanted to do yesterday will always be the regret you wish you didn't taste. Karma may be a circle but life isn't. You don't go around and around... life is a line, hence the existence of timelines in history. There are no new beginnings, no way recover the damage you've done, no way to preserve the success you've accomplished. Killing someone, going to jail and finally coming out doesn't mean you have a fresh start. Your crime is on paper, in records, in memories. The circle doesn't start again, you have a past, you have history, your timeline has time done on it.
Move on and do better. You may be haunted by your past but those are consequences that you will never be able to rid. Try and you'll simply be living in another reality that doesn't exist. Second chances don't exist for you to make up for what you did, you can only do better. You're only human. I don't even think God can stop time, redo time or make up for time, so why do you even bother trying?
No one lives a perfect life without mistakes and shame. We are all guilty whether other people know the lies we've told to the world or to ourselves. You will never walk on a path that you can't handle. God may not open doors but I'm sure God doesn't build walls or dead ends.
So do what you didn't do yesterday, and though you can't make up for the fact that you didn't do it yesterday, the fact that it's late and overdue, but at least you did it. It's written on your timeline now.
I don't believe whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I think whatever doesn't kill you may make you smarter and more experienced but not stronger. People who can heart attacks and live aren't more immune to them. In fact, they're more likely to get heart attacks again than someone who hasn't experienced one before. Catching a cold or a bacterial infection builds your immune system, making it smarter as it learns new ways to protect you in the future, your immune system isn't stronger. If your immune system meets a new infection, it won't be able to protect you. Your failures don't make you a stronger person and it wouldn't be fair if it did. Someone who's gone to jail isn't on equal levels as someone who hasn't. A criminal record doesn't kill you but it doesn't make you stronger. So where in the world did this idea of almost being killed makes you stronger? But who needs to be strong anyways, isn't the whole point of life to live?! Isn't that why we climb mountains and go sky diving? So that we can experience both sides of every story? A strong person does die. What's the meaning of strong to you if you don't even know what it means to be weak?
I do believe in destiny. I do believe things out of our control happen. But all that happens for a reason. God won't give us anything we can't handle. And if he does, that's what I call death, lol.
20 years of timeline already drawn. And though I've complained for the last 20 years about how much my life just shitty sucks, I think I've found a way to appreciate it.
That's optimism at it's best. Seriously.
