I make so many mistakes in one day, sometimes, I think I'm so lucky to make it out at the end of the day alive. I know I'm human and humans make mistakes but sometimes the mistakes I make are SO bad that there's no way for me to go back. I know there are people out there who think they're perfect in every way, and they don't make mistakes. Those people are delusional and I refuse to stoop down to that level. I'm bigger than that. I will admit to my mistakes and I will learn from them and I will move on. That's what life is about, isn't it? Learning and growing and becoming a better person?
But even until today, there are mistakes that I wish I could take back and I just can't move on from them. I can't tell my friends about these mistakes because I know they will never forgive me. I know I can trust a good friend to not judge me but these are very detrimental mistakes that could ruin our friendship forever. I worked so hard to build my life back together. It's still not perfect yet but I'm working at it. I'm fixing my mistakes and trying to never make them again. Every single day it's a fight. But sometimes I feel like the past comes back to haunt me and I just can't escape it. No matter how much I tell myself that I'm no longer that person in the past and that I am a better person now, I still feel bad, I still feel guilty. I feel like it's always going to be apart of me and there's no way to escape it.
Sometimes I wish I had amnesia, or had someone to brainwash me. I know the past made me who I am today. I should be grateful for it for making me a better person but I can't help but think that I was once this horrible friend and it still lives inside me.
I can't forget. I will never forgive myself. But I guess, there are some things in life where you don't need to forgive and forget to find closure. Sometimes all you need is to know the reason for it. And the reason being that it made you a better person should be sufficient for you to close the file, finish the chapter, dot your i's and cross your t's and close your eyes at night.
But even until today, there are mistakes that I wish I could take back and I just can't move on from them. I can't tell my friends about these mistakes because I know they will never forgive me. I know I can trust a good friend to not judge me but these are very detrimental mistakes that could ruin our friendship forever. I worked so hard to build my life back together. It's still not perfect yet but I'm working at it. I'm fixing my mistakes and trying to never make them again. Every single day it's a fight. But sometimes I feel like the past comes back to haunt me and I just can't escape it. No matter how much I tell myself that I'm no longer that person in the past and that I am a better person now, I still feel bad, I still feel guilty. I feel like it's always going to be apart of me and there's no way to escape it.
Sometimes I wish I had amnesia, or had someone to brainwash me. I know the past made me who I am today. I should be grateful for it for making me a better person but I can't help but think that I was once this horrible friend and it still lives inside me.
I can't forget. I will never forgive myself. But I guess, there are some things in life where you don't need to forgive and forget to find closure. Sometimes all you need is to know the reason for it. And the reason being that it made you a better person should be sufficient for you to close the file, finish the chapter, dot your i's and cross your t's and close your eyes at night.
