Breathe.

As someone once said, "There are no failures, just experiences and your reactions to them." Some people cry a little before picking themselves back up, others talk and tell the world as a therapeutic way of releasing all the anger and pain, and a small group of people forget how to breathe. So yes, failures are just experiences but it your reactions to them can fail you.

Try and stop me.

Sorry for missing out on Tuesdays Thoughts. I didn't make a post because 1. I was so busy studying and 2. I was so busy studying animal behaviour that I had no thoughts to share.

I'm still recovering from the shock of losing everything on my laptop and from the fact that I have NOTHING TO STUDY FROM. I honestly hate this. I don't know what "this" is but I hate it. I hate the fact that I'm trying so hard to be a good student and THIS won't let me. Sure, I know a good student would go home and listen to the lecture recordings right away, but you don't know how busy I am this year so you have no right to judge me at all. I have so many other extra-curriculars to deal with, not JUST school.

LETTER:

So. You fucking son of a bitch. Whatever you are. Whoever you are. Wherever you are. Bring it. Do your best to stop me from getting into medical school. Because you know what, it ain't gonna happen, boy. Or girl. Whatever your gender is, I don't care. I don't give a flying fuck what your deal is and why you must try SO hard to prevent me from getting good grades, like do you not have a life or something?! Did you get bad grades in school and now you're out for revenge? Did your mommy not love you enough? Well, guess what? I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR MESSED UP LIFE.

Unless... you're trying to send me a message. Do you foresee the future and think that I can't handle medical school? Or maybe you're trying to tell me that medical school is wrong for me and if I continue on this path I'm destined to be doomed? What is it?! SPIT IT OUT!

If I'm your target, you should know very well that I'm a stubborn person. I'm a damn downright stubborn person. I might dare even say that I'm probably the most stubborn person you'll ever meet. So here's the deal. If you want to prevent me from getting into medical school, go ahead. Try your VERY best and don't you dare even go easy on me because I want FULL satisfaction and complete bragging rights when I kick your fucking ass to God-knows-where. And if you're out there trying to tell me a message, well you're going to have to try a little harder than that because I'm not even getting a tidbit of what you're trying to say. I'm stubborn and slow... so like... yeah. Good luck.

/END LETTER

So I'm going to pull another hard-core all-nighter to ACE tomorrow's midterm that is worth 28%, which I desperately need since I'm not doing well on my labs at all. Everyone pray for me. LUVUBI.

And if all hope is lost...

We all have those days where everything just goes wrong, not like a coffee spill on your favourite shirt, but more along the lines of accidentally dropping your phone into the toilet while you're in a rush to get to the most important meeting of your life, or losing your mom's diamond ring which has been in the family for 15 generations, or having 10 bills come all at once when you've just been fired from your job. THOSE are the days I'm talking about.

Yesterday, I didn't know what happened, but when I turned on my laptop and tried to log into my user, I got an error. I couldn't access my own laptop! I have no guest or other users available, only my very own administrative account. The night before, I had just finished an assignment and sent it off to my prof. Thank goodness for that.

In a desperate attempt, I googled some feasible solution and ended up deleting my user account in order to access the computer. That meant all of my documents, lecture recordings, music and emails were completely gone. GONE. Afterwards, I tried to do damage control by searching for software to recover deleted files. No luck. All the lecture recordings that I hadn't listened to yet are completely gone. How am I going to study for this week's midterms?

I didn't do anything wrong, why is this happening to me?

So as of now, I've completely reformatted the computer, which increases my chances of never recovering anything back again, but at least it might get rid of the problem that caused all this. I still don't know WHY I wasn't able to log into my user profile today, I've never encountered that in all my years of technology problems and trust me... I've had many of them and to the oddest as well.

Lyrics:

The storm is coming but I don't mind
People are dying, I close my blinds

All that I know is I'm breathing now

I want to change the world
Instead I sleep
I want to believe in more than you and me

But all that I know is I'm breathing
All I can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing now

All that I know is I'm breathing
All I can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing

All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing now

I died a little inside... everything that I had worked so hard for this year is gone. I told myself that this year has GOT TO BE the year I turn everything around and succeed. I can't believe that I lost before I even started the race. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!

I don't know many students in my classes, I can't just ask for recordings and notes. I don't know what to do. I'm not feeling very optimistic at the very moment. This entire laptop thing... has just fore-casted failure in a snowball-effect. How am I supposed to catch up now? How am I supposed to study for anything now? How am I supposed to sleep at night knowing that I had weeks to listen to those lecture recordings and I didn't and now they're all gone and unsalvageable?

In dreams, we win.

We all have ideas on the purpose of our lives. We all have dreams, expectations, and our own race to run. But what if that race never ends, what if you end up running in circles and the finish line is nowhere in sight. Do you stop running or keep at it? Would you spend the rest of your life running for something that’s not even there? That’s not even possible?

My Parents.

I've always really wondered, in my mom's eyes, what kind of person am I? Does her perspective of me ever change? Has it been the same all along? Is her perspective of me even right? Because most the time, I think she’s WRONG.

I hate it when my mom makes all these assumptions when they're not even right and then she'll act like she KNOWS me and if I deny it she'll just think that I'm just too ashamed to admit it. SO NOT TRUE. My dad does the same thing too. How do I know this? Because sometimes they'll talk about my younger brother in front of me and HALF the things they say, I swear, are not even close to the truth. I think a lot of the stuff they say are things that they would’ve done as kids or maybe they once thought of doing it and now they are reflecting it back onto us. Although sometimes they are correct, I assure you, it’s probably just out of pure luck. Sometimes, I feel like my parents don’t know me and my brother at all. Although I must say, they do understand my brother a lot more…

You’re probably sitting there saying, "Oh, you're not communicating enough with your parents." Not true, I talk to my parents A LOT. I tell them everything that goes on in my life. I tell them my future plans, I tell them about my fears... honestly... I communicate, okay? Compared to the average teenager who just says “nuthin’”, I freaking communicate to BOTH MY PARENTS. I think I know why that even though I talk to them so much they still don’t understand me.

Everytime I say something, I feel like it goes through a filter in their head. They don’t automatically accept and believe everything I say. They take everything apart and analyze it for what it’s worth. They try to figure out what are the lies, the truths, and just the downright bullshit I decided to include for fun.

My brother… pffft. He doesn’t talk to them at all. WHY? Because he knows they will take everything he says and use it against him one day. It’s like everything you tell them, they take it and translate it back into something really nasty. They can’t just listen and accept.

Of course, my parents aren’t bad people. They love us to death and would probably do just about anything for us. I think it’s because they care so much about us that they think the worst in us so they can prepare for it. I don’t know… am I analyzing too much into this? I seriously don’t know why they act like that. Let me give you some examples:

If I say, “Mom, I want to get my nose fixed.” That’s showing her my insecurities. I want her to COMFORT me. But instead, she’ll just say, “Ugh. Stop thinking about that stuff and just concentrate in school!”

If I tell them things about my friends, they’ll invent up all this other crap to go along with the story. Once I told my mom that my friend’s parents let her drive by herself and go to places with her friends. And my mom came to the conclusion, “Her parents don’t care about her. They don’t have time to care about her.” LMFAO. OKAY?!

Every time they call me on the phone, the first thing they say is, “What are you doing? Playing on the computer?” I GET SO PISSED because I’m trying to freaking finish an assignment and they ask me if I’m PLAYING?! Ughhh…

So mom, dad, I know you will never read this, but I thought I should say everything I want to say to you right here.

1. I try really hard to make you guys proud. I try not to disappoint you guys at all. I try to be your ideal daughter.
2. I lie sometimes. I'm not always honest with you but I never lie about the things that matter. Sometimes you call and ask me if I showered yet because you don't like me showering at night, I'll always say yes just so you guys can shut up. I'm not ALWAYS doing homework, I do read the news, go on Youtube, go on Facebook, but 90% of the time I AM doing homework. So if I tell you I'm playing on the internet, it means I'm on my break! And don't start telling me to do my work because I probably just spent freaking 10 hours working on it. 
3. I hate it when you guys think I'm lying when I AM actually telling the truth.
4. I have friends and sometimes I like hanging around them more than you guys but that doens't mean they are more important to me.
5. Stop telling me to do things, I hate it. I have my own life, I have my own schedule, I will do things on my own accord. I’m old enough to know what to do, when to do it and however I want to do it. If I need your advice, I’ll ask for it. I hate it when I ask for advice, you guys tell me to think for myself, but when I don’t need your help, you just intrude in my personal space.
6. Don't tell me how you started making money for your family at the age of 14, I can't do anything about it. Here in Canada, we need education first... money and job comes later.
7. Don't cry to me and tell me how hard your life is... I cry a lot about how hard my life is too. I can’t carry your burden yet so don’t give it to me. But as a daughter, I would never say that to your face, I would just quietly listen and hold back my tears as I helplessly watch you cry over your marriage and how your life is “over”.
8. Never underestimate the stress I'm under. On top of my own goals, I have goals YOU GUYS want me to achieve. Being the eldest in the family means I have to put up with your shit and my brother's shit too.
9. Don't call me stupid. I may not know as much or be as smart as you guys but that's because I haven't lived as long as you guys.
10. I love you guys so much but I'll never say it. Ever.

Still 2PM

My love for 2PM died a little after my Korean obsession turned into a Taiwanese addiction.

I still think those boys are very talented. Very true. Why do I think that? I guess it's probably because I remember watching Wild Bunny (I think that's what it was called) and the boys were just incredibly loud, wild and completely INSANE. Just watching 10 minutes of it and trying to keep up with them was impossible and I was watching it with English subs so I had to pause and read every 10 seconds of the video. Now that I think of it, I should've felt sorry to the subbers, must've been hard on them. Point is, those boys definitely appear genuine to me.

Vocally speaking, they're not the greatest singing group, but I don't see what there is to criticize? I mean, they CAN sing, all of them CAN sing. And by CAN sing, I mean, they all can sing WELL. Surely, if you decide to compare them to Mariah Carey, then they're no match, but if you compare them to the average singer, they're all right. And Taecyeon raps, okay?!

These boys specialize in acrobatics and their dancing, this is demonstrated throughout all their performances and promotions. There is a spectrum among the group, we have goofy, to awkward, to quiet, to loud, to just weird... Some sing better than others, some dance better than others, some rap better than others, some just look better than others... and together they make the group complete.

People constantly compare them to DBSK and I never really understand why. They're from two different management companies who had 2 different concepts in mind when the groups were made. DBSK was first made as a singing group (not a dancing group) of acapella and pop songs. Although they do dance... clearly Yunho and Junsu excelled, no? And the rest were just good. Junsu, Jaejoong, Changmin had a lot of singing parts in songs probably because they were the better singers or maybe they could cover more ranges in the melody.

2PM are made to be dancers, they're very mainstream R&B and hip-hopish? Junsu, Chansung and Wooyoung sing well, no? And the rest are just good. Wooyoung, Junho, Chansung are really good at doing all these flips. Nickkhun is just absolutely gorgeous. And Taec raps well.

It's been said before and I'll say it again, comparing DBSK and 2PM is like comparing apples and oranges. BUT. AND THERE IS A BUT. Although you can't exactly compare them fairly, I can't say that it's wrong for you to do so. I mean, these groups are out to make our money. And we spend it on whoever we think deserves it. Some people like good singers and some people like good dancers, some people go for the hottie, everyone has their own "idea" of what is good and what isn't based on what we find attractive and talented.

Anywayz. How did I even get sidetracked so much? I didn't even want to talk about all that.

The purpose of this post is regarding the  "Still 2PM" teaser. Everyone has been saying that the dance moves were sloppy and very badly done. In my personal opinion, I agree. I've seen 2PM do better. All their flips in the video seem to be at an angle... nothing's aligned properly. This isn't a live performance on stage, where they had one shot to pull everything off. After many retakes, this is as good as they could get it to be? I know what you lovers are all going to say, "They're only human!", "Let's see you do it!", "Stop being such a hater!" Ugh. Fans. Calm down! I'm not saying they suck, I'm just saying that I've seen better. And yes you can tell me how much these boys need sleep and how hard they've been working, and how everyone just needs to appreciate their work... these are just your assumptions and sympathetic love towards the boys. I'm just stating a personal opinion on what I thought of the teaser. Maybe the whole MV will be better. Don't know. But from the teaser, I'm not impressed. However, that's not to say the choreography is indeed very good. I mean, it must be hard to do flips like that and the last act was dead on.

Sorry Taec and Wooyoung, you know I still love you guys, right?

Little Miss Obsessive

Little Miss Obsessive - Ashlee Simpson

Lyrics:

Woah, woah, woah. (That side of your bed is still mine)
Woah, woah, woah. (That side of your bed is still mine)

Am I the reason why you tossed and turned last night?
Everything was such a blur, it didn't come out right.
All of the sudden it's cold and we're falling apart.
No this can't be, please don't leave me alone in the dark.

Chorus:
And I guess we're really over, so come over, I'm not over it.
And I guess we're really over, so come over, I'm not over it.
Late night you make me feel like I'm desperate, I'm not desperate.
Oh, a little bit possessive, little miss obsessive, can't get over it.

Woah, woah, woah. (That side of your bed is still mine)
Woah, woah, woah. (That side of your bed is still mine)

I've never been a fan of long good-byes.
I'm at the finish line and you're just way too far behind.
In the morning I got in a fight with myself, I got the bruises to prove it.
Then I swallowed your words and spit them right back out.

Chorus:
And I guess we're really over, so come over, I'm not over it.
And I guess we're really over, so come over, I'm not over it.
Late night you make me feel like I'm desperate, Aim not desperate.
Oh, a little bit possessive, little miss obsessive, can't get over it.

Bridge:
No!
It's like a fairy tale without a happy ending (happy ending)
But then again maybe we are just pretending.
Why does it have to be so unfair?
Tell me that you care.

And I guess we're really over, but come over, I'm not over it.
And I guess we're really over, so come over, I'm not over it. Oh!

Little miss, little miss, little miss, little miss obsessive.
Little miss, little miss, little miss, little miss obsessive.
Late night you make me feel like I'm desperate, I'm not desperate.
Oh, a little bit possessive, little miss obsessive, can't get over it

Woah, woah, woah. (That side of your bed is still mine)
Woah, woah, woah. (That side of your bed is still mine)

The lyrics of this song are amazingly GOOD! I love the part where the male voice goes

That side of your bed is still mine.

Her second verse is really good. I think a lot of people can connect to the lines:

I've never been a fan of long good-byes.

I'm at the finish line and you're just way too far behind.

In the morning I got in a fight with myself, I got the bruises to prove it.

Then I swallowed your words and spit them right back out.

Yeah, I know this song is rather old... I don't know why I didn't hear this on the radio back then... maybe because 2008 was the year I started university and I didn't freaking own a RADIO!!! How sad was that? But today I suddenly heard the song Pieces of Me in my head by Ashlee Simpson, I remember being obsessed with that song, and so I thought, "Yo. Where -IS- Ashlee?" The last I heard of her was her being engaged with Pete? Or something like that. So I wikipedia-ed her and realized she had an album out in 2008 called Bittersweet World. I only checked out her two promoted songs on that album and I liked this one a lot more. She has an album coming out... or she's working on her fourth album? ABOUT TIME! As much as I don't think she can sing live at all... her voice sounds nice in CDs.

She was so big when I was in high school. She should come back soon.

How many do we get?

As kids we're told to make mistakes so we can learn from them, so we can grow, so we can become a better person than yesterday. What they didn't tell us is that there are some mistakes you can't learn from, there are some mistakes that can ruin you, and there are some that aren't meant to be made in the first place.

Importance of Colour!

So I got bored of not touching photoshop for a while. I love GossipGirl so I figured I could hit two birds with one stone. Obviously, Nate belongs to Serena but, they're a cute couple too.

So here were the original pictures:

So I admit, this picture turned out really bad. LOL. I was trying to make like this really clear and clean picture by showing a very pure version of each colour... except now it just looks like a really bright picture and bad lighting. But none the less, the picture is MUCH more photogenic than the originals, right right?

This picture I was trying to achieve the "natural" look as if nothing was photoshopped. I tried to just clean up the colours and make it look really matte and simple. I think I did a good job here. If it weren't for my crappy job at blending the pictures together, you would've thought it was a beautiful photograph with no photoshop, wouldn't you?

Here, I took a little bit more of a chance. I wanted to achieve a more... hm... old photograph look? Maybe something that you would find off a cover of a DVD or something. Yeah? Not bad eh?

Anyways, I have yet to publish that short I've pretty much finished writing. LOOK FORWARD TO IT. Right now, I have a lot on my hands. I'll be back next week, maybe sooner but definitely not later.

Lady Gaga everywhere.

Every song that comes out, SOMEONE on youtube just HAS to say, "OMG. SHE'S COPYING LADY GAGA!!!" 

OMG. SHUT UP ALREADY!

I honestly do believe that Lady Gaga has changed music and entertainment altogether. Everything is abstract and supposed to hold "deeper meaning". APPARENTLY. Key word is APPARENTLY. Lady Gaga is very influential and she's definitely made her mark in the industry and no doubt, she'll be a legend. So why can't people just accept that and move on? Why must you point it out every time some artist dresses up like a freako? Obviously, people are following her footsteps, if you don't like the way I worded that, then I can say, people are following the "trend" in which SHE SET so... whatever. 

Ugh. No Lady Gaga anywhere. No one is COPYING HER. They are simply just following the trend. It's sort of like when skinny jeans came out... with Marilyn Monroe and they were just so UNCOOL in the 90's. But now everyone owns a pair. OMG, I'M COPYING MARILYN MONROE. Ugh.

Besides, times are changing, if you're watching an MV that actually makes sense, it's probably not going to sell anyways. Nice going Gaga. You managed to sell freakshow and sell it as "art". 

Quiz #101

I did one of those really pointless online quizzes.

Make a list of 11 numbers. Don't cheat.

1+2

Pick two numbers.

3+7

Pick two people of the opposite gender.

4+5+6

Pick two people of the same gender.

8+9+10+11

Pick 4 songs.

These were my results:

1. 5

2. 10

3. Stephen

4. Mom

5. Jen

6. Sherry

7. Matt. L.

8. 那不是愛 - Jessie Chiang

9. Fighter - Christina Aguilera

10. Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis

11. 雨愛 - Rainie Yang

What the results are supposed to mean:

1. Your lucky number.

2. The number of people who like you.

3. The one you love.

4. The most important person in your life.

5. A person who knows you very well.

6. Your lucky star.

7. The person you like but the relationship can't work.

8. The song that matches with person #3.

9. The song that matches with person #7.

10. The song that tells you most about your mind.

11. The song that tells you most about your life.

So I found SOME accuracy in this and obviously not all of it is true. Let's go through them. LOL.

1. 5 is not my lucky number. Seriously. My lucky numbers are 8, 13, 14, 18. I've never had 5 as a lucky number... ever.

2. 10 people like me?! I highly doubt that, unless they're talking about like... 10 people who like me as a PERSON and well... then... that's just sad.

3. I love him... but not in that way.

4. True.

5. True.

6. UHHH. MY LUCKY STAR?! LMFAO. Not true and very self-explanatory to any one who knows the both of us.

7. True, considering that he's taken, and about 100km away from me... and probably doesn't even remember who I am.

8. True. 那真的不是愛. We have something called BROTHERLY-SISTERLY love not incestuous love. So very true. I was really surprised because I didn't expect that at all.

9. Hmmm... not quite? I don't know why Fighter would be a song for him since he and I were just very normal friends throughout elementary school. I think during the time I liked him, I learned a lot about how it FEELS like to like a person and not have them like you back... but I wouldn't call that making me "fighter" lmao.

10. Err... my mind is Bleeding Love? LOL. No. Don't think so. Very wrong.

11. I don't know about this one. 雨愛 is a REALLY REALLY REALLY sad song about a girl who copes with a break up and the whole song is just really describing her feelings. It's hardly a song I would use to DESCRIBE MY LIFE. SO WRONG. WRONG. WRONG.

So that's about it. Short post. I haven't been blogging much lately, I don't know if that's because I'm just too busy or I just have nothing to say... or maybe it's both. BUT I do have a short coming up, so look forward to it. I've been working on it for a while now. I've been meaning to put up a short but just never really had the time to edit it all.