Wednesday, March 9, 2011

You say whaa?

You've been at UT for like what? 6 months? You think you're equal to me? Puh-lease. Get a grip on reality. I'm better and smarter than you in every way possible. The only reason why you're at UT is because your mom is rich enough to actually pay your way in here.

And let me remind you that you're in architect, which does not even compare to life sciences in the slightest bit.

I'm smarter than you in every way possible to go equalize yourself with someone else your standard because I'm out of your league. I'm going to be living in the houses that you fucking build for me, ok? So don't "that's has never happened to me" me, bitch. Because the only thing that's going to happen to you is disaster and by that I mean, your life is going to fall apart when your mommy stop spending money on your fat ass.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

First.

This is the first time you've doubted me. Because of that, I will prove you so wrong.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Beautiful?

Original picture

My beautiful picture. Okay, so not so beautiful, but it will have to do since I have a
crappy camera to work with =(

Thursday, February 24, 2011

The *NEW* Me

I don't know how many times I've said this and I don't know how many approaches I've made to solve this problem but I've run out of time.

I'm stopping the car.

I'm not pressing pause. I'm pressing stop.

The game is now over.

The history is there but the game is fresh. I like that.

This week's goals:
+ Maintain 2 days without going over 1000 calories
+ Finish EEB321 notes and readings from last semester
+ Finish JHE351 notes and readings from last semester
+ Write up petition letter
+ Blog a pretty photograph
+ Do an hour exercise session
+ Meet up with Vera and Kitty
+ E-mail 3 music/dance groups for Science Rendezvous

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I like music. I don't get metal.

I love him. I don't love his music.

I'm a musician, I've come to like all kinds of music- you name it- I probably do listen to it, if not, appreciate it- pop, rock, jazz, country, classical, rap, hip hop, R&B... 

but metal. METAL?!

I never quite understood the art behind metal. I just don't hear anything when I listen to metal music... it's just guitars, bass and drums slamming together and the occasional scream into the microphone... which by the way, is also coarse and loud that I don't even HEAR the message they are trying to get across. 

I have yet to hear a good metal song that I will like. Until then, sorry hardcore metal fans... you're just not my cup of tea.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Chinese New Year 2011

What am I going to do tonight? Hmm... let me see... study?

Sad. Don't you think that that's so sad. I can't even go home to have a proper dinner with my family. Next week, I have two midterms, an assignment AND a lab report due so I'm packed. I won't have time to even think about eating. I wonder how people at UT manage such a great social life and academic life altogether because I simply just don't have that kind of talent.

I sort of gave up my social life until I met this guy who I really like. I met him once, so I guess I don't "like" him, it's like those stupid high school crushes. I hate crushes, it's been so long since I've liked someone that I almost forgot how ANNOYING THE FEELING IS. No matter what I'm doing, he always manages to cross my mind. And no matter how busy I am, I always manage to sneak in 5-10 minutes of daydreaming moments with him.

I got rid of Facebook because I didn't want it to take up the rest of my life but after meeting him, I kind of feel like I'm ready to give social life a try again. I mean, everyone deserves a social life no matter what kind of dreams they have. Just because you have aspirations doesn't mean you have to give up everything good in your life to achieve it. And for me, I would sort of think that it's not worth it. Achieving my goals are very important to me but not at the cost of everything else in my life.

I'm going to give it a real go this time. I mean, I'm sort of behind in school but today and Friday are going to be my major CATCH-UP-ON-EVERYTHING days. After I catch up, I'll try to stay ON TOP of the work and then I can find time to go out and see him =).

That is... of course, IF he wants to see me. I swear he's giving me mixed signals. I sort of feel like he's just in this for the game and if that's the case, I still wouldn't mind going out with him so long as we establish the rules.

I hear this year for the Horse, it's supposed to be really good. My love and work life is absolutely amazing so long as I can keep up with the pace. If not, I can fall into the pits of Hell.

Please, I can keep up. I'm a horse. Of course, I can keep up.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

To the new me... I mean... Haircut.

Regular daily blogging... here we go:

Jan 13th
Alysha, my roommate, wanted to come with me to class. I told her I had class at 6 and I was going to take a nap. It was around 2 at the time and I was so exhausted from the night before. I set my alarm but little did I know that the volume was set down low so I didn't hear it and I slept through it! I woke up at 6:40 and like ran to class with her. I was kind of upset that she didn't even wake me up, like what the hell is wrong with her?! But whatever, she's white. I can't expect her to understand what an Asian person would do.

Then I recorded whatever was left of the class and took serious notes. At the end of class, I ran to hunt for a girl with a recorder and asked for her recording. She was nice enough to pass it to me and I got it in HQ since she recorded it from the front of the class! Love her.

After class, I wanted to go to a library to grab a textbook since I didn't want to buy it. I checked the Internet catalog and it said it was available at Robarts in the Q section. I went to Robarts and there was no Q section! So I went to ask some man-librarian and he was like,"You must've missed the section. It's there on the 13th floor." And I replied, "The shelf went from P to T. There was no Q section or R section for that matter." And he goes, "You know... you probably missed it. Maybe it was in a corner or something. It has to be there." So he proceeds to enter my textbook title into the database and search for it himself. And INDEED, the catalog did state that the book would be available at Robarts in the Q section. So he goes, "Just go up there and find it again. If you can't find it, I will quit my job. Seriously, it's up there! You missed it."

And there I thought he was just insanely rude. Geez. How can I miss an ENTIRE SECTION?! Does he think I'm blind? Or does he think that I don't know my alphabets? But anyway, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I mean it WAS late (around 9PM), maybe I was tired and I did miss it. So I went back up and check again. NO Q SECTION. FUCK YOU. So I went back downstairs, too tired to argue with some dumbass, so I tried to walk off with Alysha without him seeing me but then he calls me back with, "Did you find it?" And I chuckled with a smile on my face and said, "No. There's no Q section." And he rolls his eyes at me and picks up the phone and calls for help... And on the phone he goes, "I have a lady here who claims there no Q section in the library. There is a Q section right?"

Long story short. There is no Q section! And he was thoroughly embarrassed from practically yelling at me because HE THOUGHT there was a Q section. It turned out to be a catalog error. The book was actually supposed to be a Gerstein. I went there the next day but didn't find it though. Seriously, I was more ticked off about the dude than the catalog error. I mean, I bet it's the fact that I'm ASIAN he thinks that I would miss an entire freaking SECTION. And I was so specific too, "One shelf said PZ and shelf bottom of it said TA." It's either he think my eyes are too small so I can't see properly OR he thinks I'm from China and I don't know how to find books. Whatever. That's what you get from rude, ignorant people who think the world of themselves. Not surprised anymore.

I also learned to play Mahjong that night. Of course, I was no good at it but it's nice that I sort of know the basics of it now. I've been dying to learn for a long time and no one has taken the time to teach me and now that I finally know, it's like I can check something off my To-Do-Before-I-Die list. Feels good.

Jan 14th
Since Candice, Melba and I stayed up talking all night the night before and went to grab breakfast at like 7AM, I was super duper tired. We went to Mcdonalds and grabbed a morning happy meal. It's a pretty good deal, I must admit. I went out with Melba, Candice and Joyce. I hope they actually like me and they're not just pretending to, that would probably drive me nuts. I lost a lot of friends throughout the years and the ones that I have lost... let's just say good riddance. And I wouldn't say that I've lost faith in friendship because only time can tell you how good a friend she/he can be. I'm still going to give everyone the best of me as a friend regardless of how many times I've got hurt.

So back on topic, despite the fact that I was tired, I still went to work AND got a haircut =). I was debating whether I should try a new place, go to GoA or Sora. GoA was the place that I've been 2-3 times? Hannah cuts my hair there and the only reason why I picked her was because she was the only one that could speak English. Any everyone on Soompi tells me how nice she is and stuff but every time I've been there, she couldn't care any less about me. I try to make conversation with her and she just likes talking to the other hairdressers more. And I ask for like hair tips and she doesn't give any. Seriously?! But I would've STILL continuously went to her if it wasn't for my last hair appointment, she wasn't available. I think her baby was in the hospital, so I was forced to try another hair salon. I walked on Bloor and just entered the closest hair salon that caught my eye- Sora. No one there freaking spoke English but everyone was SUPER polite and I just automatically felt rude for not like... bowing to them or something. It was really weird. I had this cute girl cut my hair for me. Even though we had trouble communicating, I must say she did do a fairly good job.

Maybe it was because I was tired but I didn't feel like walking very far so I called Sora to see if they were busy. They said no, and so I walked to Sora and waited for like 5-10 minutes. Not bad. The receptionist asked me if I had a preference and I said no. Probably because I did want to try someone new. I looked through the magazines for a hairstyle that I wanted. THEN. The Japanese dude in the salon came and invited me over to his chair and I was totally intimidated. I've never had a Japanese guy cut my hair before. He was so polite but he spoke minimal English. Super cute. And I showed him hairstyles that I liked and he was like, "Similar." but he looked like he wanted to say, "Those haircuts are similar. Just styled differently." When he washed my hair for me... OHMIGOSH. I LIKE DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN. HONESTLY. HEAVEN. He was the most amazing hairwasher EVER. LOL. I wish he could wash my hair everyday. I swear I had an orgasm or something, it was absolutely amazing. And when he cut my hair, he asked quite a lot of questions to be sure I got what I wanted. I just told him that I didn't want to cut my hair TOO short, I wanted to keep the length. Then he asked me if I wanted the back like a V-shape or straight across and I said I didn't know. He laughed and I told him to decide for me because I trusted him. I did actually put a lot of trust in him. I don't know if it's because he was majorly suave to me or because he was Japanese, lol. But I just let him do whatever he wanted, haha. He dropped the comb twice. I don't know why. Nervous at my beauty? LOL who am I kidding. I was probably the ugliest girl there. I sort of wanted to sleep at the beginning because I was so tired but after his second time of dropping the comb I was fully awake. I asked for tips on how to style it, he told me I could just a curling iron but it was damage my hair. And I asked if I should dye my hair but he said no, he likes my colour, instead he would recommend highlighting it to make it 3D. Ugh. Awesomeness. I felt like he would've said a lot more things if he could communicate in English. Seriously, I'm going to learn Japanese for him... after I pass all my courses, lol. I love him so much. Anyways, the hair turned out amazing, needless to say, and I tipped him 5 bucks. It was a $25 haircut so I didn't know how much to tip but I felt 5 bucks was good since that's like 20%.

I am so going back to him again. I LOVE HIM. I LOVE HIM. I seriously think I'm in love with him. And okay, he's not THAT good-looking, he's got quite a bit of acne but something about him makes him super attractive to me. It might be his shyness? Or his attempts to speak English with me regardless of his skill? Or maybe it's because he gives really good hair washes? I wish my hair would grow super fast so I can go see him again but sadly my hair grows REALLY slowly. I'd probably have to wait a year in which he would've forgotten about me. I mean, he probably doesn't even look at faces anymore, only looks at the hair and cuts away. Maybe he'll recognize me because of my hair colour, since he did naturally comment on it himself. Wishful thinking. I know. Why do I always crush on unattainable guys? It's so painful.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

What the future holds.

I don't know what the future holds. I think I've got the wrong mentality all along. I've been chasing after this dream of becoming a doctor when I should be working hard at what I have in front of me. I've never going to catch the dream if I keep tripping over my two feet. I need to balance myself. Steady my hands. Focus my eyes. And charge. I can't just keep mindlessly chasing or else I would never catch it.

I need to stop telling myself medical school because I know deep down that that dream will never leave me. I will always remember that my goal in life is to become a doctor. But there's no way I can do that if I all I think about is how I am going to get there. I have a life to live right now. It's been waiting for me and I've ignored it for way too long. I need to go back to my life. I am happy at where I am in life right now. I am happy. I may not be content, but I am happy.

I thought this entire journey of boycotting everyone and everything was so that I could find myself. I thought I was searching for a sense of identity. It wasn't until recently I realized that I know who I am, I know what I want to become, and I know where I'm going. I have a sense of identity. I've found it a long time ago and I've never lost it. Perhaps it's because I'm still perfecting myself that I feel like I don't know who I am, but I do. I am outgoing, bubbly and guarded. I am hard-working and a big fat procrastinator at the same time. I am a super crazy clean-freak. I am a little OCD that I find very much charming. I am passionate, hot-tempered, and optimistic. I can be depressed, twisted and hopeless when my hormones sway a certain way. I know who I am.

I realized that I wasn't looking for myself, but rather a place. What I've been searching for is a sense of belonging. I don't know where I belong. I know who I am but where do I fit in in this world? I want to be someone's favourite person, I want to be someone's person. I want to be the sun in someone's world. I want to change the world somehow, I want to make a dent in it so that I have marked my place on Earth to prove that I have lived. I want to be the best in something, make history and be remembered. I want to belong to a time, to a place, to a thing. I haven't found my little niche yet.

So I guess until then, I should keep working at being myself and I suppose, like tetris, I will eventually find a perfect fit for myself. What the saying? It's better to be alone than to not be and wish you were. I'm not in a rush, I've got plenty of things to do so until then, I will stop building walls. Instead, I'll build fences. Climbing fences are easier than breaking down walls.